My friend sent us the music video (released 20 hours ago) of the song I shared with them two weeks ago.
The song is called Magpahinga by a favorite local band — Ben&Ben. This song was writted by Paolo and Miguel Benjamin for their sister who contracted COVID more than a month ago.
I just watched the video when my friend shared it and it again reminded me of what and how I felt when I randomly sang this song last week in my room. With a ukulele on hand, I was trying to figure out how to play it — I’m not an expert with strings, I just try my best because I like to learn to play instruments — and then go back to listening to the music just to guide me on the progression of the song.
When I was playing the second half of the first verse going to the chorus,
Ayoko namang magpatalo, pero
(I don’t want to be defeated, but)
Ba’t parang ubos na ubos na ako?
(why does it feel like I don’t have any more to give?)
Ang sabi mo, “Dito ka lang sa ‘kin
(you told me, “stay here with me)
Magpahinga muna, lalabanan din
(and find rest, we will fight off)
Mga dambuhalang ‘di maubos na problema
(these huge inexhaustible problems)
Malapit na, pero ‘di rin kasalanang magpahinga”
(we’re almost there; but it is never wrong to find rest)
I felt like it was God who’s singing the chorus for me. It was very clear and it was comforting.
Lately, I hadn’t been my normal cheerful self. I am swallowed by my insecurities and jealousy whenever I look at the people around me and constantly compare myself to them. Comparison is the thief of joy, I know this by heart. But there are times when I focus too much on the things I’m lacking then I look at others and I wish could be on the same level as theirs. In my heart, I felt like I was left behind because I didn’t give my best. I failed in seeking more opportunities for growth, hence, I’m just living a mediocre life. The thought of it paralyzes me. I can’t move on. I can’t forgive myself on her laziness and recklessness. I feel like I’m losing my time because I wasted a lot of it. It’s haunting.
I feel the same even in my spiritual life. I feel like I’m failing God. I make choices that doesn’t give Him honor. I am complacent. I don’t fully depend on Him. I go my own way. I am not living my life as an excellent testimony of who He is. I don’t even know what my purpose is. I’m not even faithful in seeking Him so that He would show me where to go and what would be the next steps that I needed to take. I feel like I’m an impostor. I lead and disciple women, but I feel like I am not giving my best in that aspect also. I don’t deserve to lead them because I’m a failure.
With all these heavy emotions and thoughts in mind, I came to the bridge part of the song,
Magpahinga ka lang muna
(find rest [in Me] first)
‘Wag nang pigilan ang luha
(don’t hold back your tears any longer)
And, I just cried that Thursday afternoon.
I had a lot of fears that turned into a heavy burden inside me. It has been eating up my energy. The last chorus of Magpahinga says,
Dito ka lang sa ‘kin
(stay here with me)
Magpahinga muna, lalabanan din
(and find rest, we will fight off)
Mga dambuhalang mga pasanin
(these heavy burdens)
Lapag mo lang muna, kakayanin din
(you can place them down, you can make it)
Kumapit ka, sinta, matatapos ang problema
(hold on, my love, troubles will end)
Malapit na, pero ‘di rin kasalanang magpahinga
(we’re almost there; but, it is never wrong to find rest)
God was telling me to lay my burdens. I don’t have to carry it on my own. I looped the song, closed my eyes filled with tears and fell asleep.
And one would think that I understood God’s message the moment I woke up from my Thursday nap and after hearing God talked to me in a song. Yes, I got it. But no, I didn’t lay my burdens right away until this Monday morning – just before my friend posted the music video in our Viber group. This is why I can write these feelings now.
The prompt verse we have for today is found in Mark 2:17 that says ‘Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit.”‘ (MSG)
Here’s the quick reflection that I wrote on this verse:
Will a good God stop loving us when we fail to love Him back? The biblical answer is NO. God will keep on pursuing us whether we accept it or not. His love will continue to find us even if we don’t wanna be found. Our actions have consequences — true freedom is only found when we are inside God’s boundaries of protection. We need Him to be healed from our own darkness. The choice is ours. Will we come and rest in His arms?
Not everything we feel is real. There is a truth far beyond what our emotion is telling us. Whatever we are feeling, though, is valid. Our emotion is a gift. However, we must not lock ourselves inside of those feelings.
Whenever we feel tempted to compare, whenever we feel like a failure, whenever we feel guilt and shame, whenever we feel lost – let’s strive to find and draw nearer to God. No matter how hard it would be, we must learn to shift our focus from ourselves and other people to the promise of who God says He is.
We, by our own merit, are not beautiful. Putting the spotlight on ourselves will only let us see how broken we truly are and we can get really frustrated by our own failures. Comparing that spotlight with others will only plant seeds of envy inside us. Without God, it is impossible to make sense of our ugly brokenness. It is God who makes us beautiful because that’s who He is.
God is forgiveness whenever we feel like we can’t even forgive ourselves. Accepting His grace helps us to believe that we can change. Realizing that we fail by our own efforts and that we are lost without Him is also His mercy. In our weakness, God will cover us with His strength — only if we learn to depend on Him.
There is a greater truth than the current state of our emotions (or even our thoughts) and that is God’s love. We can never bring back the time that we lost or the past actions that we didn’t take. But God’s love for us is bigger that our past, our being lost, our failures, ourselves. We can continue carrying the burdens on our own or we can choose to lay them all down at the feet of Jesus. We can cry out to God in surrender.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)
Just like the Ben&Ben song, our God is saying: dito ka lang sa’kin, magpahinga muna. He says we can rest in Him and give our cross to Christ.
I told my friend about how the Lord communicated Magpahinga to me last week and explained to her that God communicated a song to me eight years ago, too. Fun fact, eight years ago, the song that God used to talk to me was ‘Wag Ka Nang Umiyak [Don’t Cry Anymore] by Sugarfree. It’s funny because – upon learning the meaning of Magpahinga for me – she said I can stop crying now because God really loves me. But I told her, the Lord literally says that I can cry now. Lol. Remember the bridge? ‘Wag nang pigilan ang luha. Don’t hold back your tears any longer.
I explained this to my friend that back then when God gave me ‘Wag Ka Nang Umiyak, it was during a time that I cry a lot. When He gave me Magpahinga, this was in a time when I am refusing to cry out, surrender, and cast my burdens to Him. He knows the very details of our hearts. He has His ways to help us listen to Him.
We are always in a battle. If we are to face it on our own, we will always be on the losing side. Depending on God means having faith on what He can do that we cannot. Living this life, finding our purpose, having peace and joy, transforming our failures into victories, resting in love — it’s only the Lord who can do this for us. We can choose and love Him today and everyday because He chose and loved us first. But if our love for Him fails, His love for us won’t. And even we don’t understand why, we can always come back because His love will always be available.
If everything around us is falling apart and if we happen to be falling apart, too – let us remember our true place of rest. Try Jesus. Cry to Jesus.
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