What Gets Me By

It’s almost the end of another week. We are in Day I-don’t-keep-track of Quarantine. Back in mid-March, Philippines started confirming cases of the Coronavirus [COVID-19] pandemic and that was the time when quarantine was put in place especially in Metro Manila and other nearby areas that were affected. The majority of businesses were forced to close down leading to a great number of employees being displaced while some were given the privilege to keep a work-from-home [WFH] set-up. Public transportation was temporarily put on hold. People were strictly advised to stay at home, practice social distancing, and keep Quarantine Passes (one person per household) to be able to go out and buy essentials.

Being in a third-world country in a pandemic is very challenging. If safeguards were not executed earlier on, our scarce resources won’t be able to pull through. Apart from waiting on the national government for general directions, people are clinging on the most to their respective Local Government Units [LGUs] to get support. It is taking us a while as a nation to slowly transition to what seems to be the new kind of normal. Even until now, it seems that we haven’t fully grasped this strange concept way of living. And by tomorrow, we will know if quarantine will still be in effect and extended for another month.

With everything that has been happening, my mental fortitude this week has not been successful in keeping it all together. My emotions are over-the-top. I don’t know if my 3-week period has caused me to be extra sensitive, anxious, sad, weary, and all the mixed emotions in between. I haven’t accomplished anything since the start of the week. I just kept watching YouTube or Netflix and started playing Tofu Girl to escape reality.

This morning, I finally cried my heart out upon realizing how the normal we once knew will never come back the way it was anytime soon. In our weekly meeting, my boss was discussing future possibilities of transferring our workplace from one city to another and adapting a new work set-up that involves WFH on weekdays. He believed that until the cure for the virus is found, we needed to get used to the new normal which might last a year or two [I’m hoping not more 😦 ]. My heart couldn’t take it. Whatever my boss was saying is highly possible and we needed the adjustments. I know we are privileged to still have a job and to think of ways to adapt but my heart was just grieving. I feel like something I deeply value is being taken away from me. The change is uncomfortable. And to be honest, it kinda hurt.

You know, I am grateful that I have a home and my family is with me; that we have enough and we can share what we have; that we can preserve our jobs even in a WFH setting; and, that we are all physically well and strong. There are a lot of things to be thankful for and if I recount them all, I will never run out of gratitude. I planned on sharing what hurts me from the situation we are in now and the future but upon writing this paragraph, my disposition shifted from hurting to grateful. Lols.

Going back to the hurt…

I treasure relationships. I appreciate gatherings. I like being surrounded by people — commuting, being in the office, going to church, hugging friends, etc. Quarantine nurtures my introverted personality but the whole social distancing is draining my extroverted energy. I am a people person and yet what this pandemic does is limiting human interaction. Personally, I am not good with mediated formats, I would always prefer face-to-face than technology. That may be the reason why I am not into phone calls or video calls that much. I cannot feel the energy when I only see people on screen. It’s not the same. The thought of being content to talking to people via technology [for now] is what bothers me the most. That would probably be the biggest adjustment that I might struggle with and never get used to. Having limited human interaction for a year or two is like suffering would be strenuous to me. Just thinking about it, stresses me out already.

We know the future is uncertain, but this year, it escalated into a whole new level of unpredictability. We really don’t know what’s gonna happen next. Everything is legit beyond our control. I think it’s just but natural to have all these blown-out-of-proportion kinds of emotion from time to time because we are humans. It’s in our DNA to feel uneasy in the uncontrollable. What gets me by is going back to where my faith is; that though I cannot ever completely control or comprehend what’s happening in my life or around me — my God is a God of peace and order. Above everything else, He is good. Through Him, I can have hope. I can find rest in Christ alone.

Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 [NASB]

There’ll be sad day/s and week/s but let’s always bounce back to our source of light and strength. We will overcome.